My first real heartbreak

Friday, March 07, 2014

I have gone through a few breakups but it's quite weird because I never really understood what it meant to have your heart break until now.

I thought heartbreaks only existed for one day. 
I thought heartbreaks were gone after you ate a cone of ice cream or maybe even a slice of cake. 
I thought heartbreaks were gone after going shopping. 
I thought heartbreaks were gone after getting a new hairstyle.
I THOUGHT, but I was wrong.

It's been a while but my heart still breaks.
From the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep.
Heartbreaks don't go away.
They stay with you and haunt you forever. 
You cry endlessly thinking about the past, present and future.
You blame yourself and you stop appreciating everything good about yourself.
You begin to imagine what an ugly person you are inside and out.
Before you know it, you will hate yourself.
Losing the person you thought was your soul mate was hard enough, right? 
But now, you will also slowly lose another important person. 

I miss my ex-boyfriend but I hate him.
I hate him for leaving me all alone. 
I hate him for giving me my first real heartbreak. 


Tears streaming down my face as I type this. I hope after typing everything I felt, I will slowly forgive myself. Sweaters are lovely companions for sad & depressed people like me so I was excited to wear this lovely watercolor sweater from Jessica Buurman! Ah. I really need to get my mind out of the whole break up. I need to get better and to cheer up. But the question is, HOW? I've been trying to but I just can't. I think I'll be in the slumps for a while and I think I will dread every single day. I miss being happy. Sigh.

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  1. It sounds like you need a movie marathon mar. Start with "500 days of summer" XD The rest will follow instinctively. XD

  2. Oh, sorry to hear about that. A good company of friends will be the best remedy! Pero, you're not in your hometown diba? Or something. I should check IG more often. Heee
    Anyhoo, *cyber hug*

  3. Cry it all out. You will be better in time!

  4. I'm so sorry to hear about your heartbreak, I could relate to every word you said
    It's been a few years for me and the hurt is still there but it does get better with time
    Just stay as strong as you can, but don't be afraid to cry
    Surround yourself with friends, family, kittens, anything that makes you feel good :)

  5. I had my 1st break up (by him) 4 years ago... I cried for months... I've become all the things you just said and eventually I started hating myself for what happened. I hated him. And I became really negative. You will need time to recover... it's not going to be easy and even though you want to be happy you will not be but pretend. Most of the time I didn't want to be alone... even if it was silence I wanted someone with me... my sister was my big support. Today I am loved by a wonderful person, but the damage from the previous relationship it's still on me. I am insecure, miserable, stalker, not trust worth it... I am just not who I was. The damage is done, but I am hoping one day I will become a better person, not for before, not for me... but from the person that today loves me with all his heart. Believe in yourself, never stop believing! But happiness comes with time... until then tears will follow you everywhere :( But be strong *huggles*

  6. Oh very cute sweater, I hope you can feel beter soon.

  7. Heart breaks suck, took me forever to get over my first one as well.
    Wallow it out for a good while and then once you're done, go out and treat yourself to get back on your feet. It really does suck, and even this you still won't be over it but I promise it will help.
    Good luck love, and I hope you feel better <3

  8. I'm so sorry... I hope you will feel better soon! : )
    You are so beautiful : )

    ❤ ✿ VISIT MY BLOG ✿ ❤

  9. Looks great and very sweet!

    恵美より ♥

  10. I'm so sorry to hear about your heartbreak… sadly it really won't go away for awhile no matter what you do but do know that it gets better and easier with each passing day. That sweater is beautiful though; definitely something you can feel good in :)


  11. Aww Marion I'm sorry to hear this *virtual hug*
    Don't beat yourself up about crying and being sad. It's ok. Your only human so let it out!
    Once you're ready start doing stuff you enjoy again. Hang out with friends, eat ice cream, have a pamper day in, anything that makes you happy really. Just remember to love yourself as cliche as that sounds :)

  12. Awww that's so sad to hear. It takes to time to totally get over a massive heartbreak, but you'll be better sooner or later. :)

  13. ahh, heartbreak sucks! but even if you're so sad now, eventually the days will get easier and ice cream just gets sweeter. no one knows how long it takes, but it's not forever. you'll be able to feel happy again one day; it's not impossible. <3

    and i adore that watercolor sweater—it definitely looks so comfy.

  14. Wish you could get better soon .
    You could pray or shout your thoughts out loud, it helps a little ~~

  15. ahh yes... heartbreaks? just cry once. someday, you'll get tired of crying your eyes out. yes, the world will get a little bit darker, yadda yadda yadda but the point is, you're still alive. Yes, your own misery and anger will affect you but it does not mean that your life will be always be like that. Your life is what you make of it. You might be broken now but it is not the end. Shit happens. Do not be a wallflower. Stay strong and pray. It does not matter on whose fault was it or on how he left you behind. What matter is that you are still alive where a thousand other souls are not as lucky as you are now. Read Invictus. It will help... take care always... ^_^

  16. Cheer up sweetie, there'll be a better man for you :)

  17. Be strong dear :)
    Love your sweater anyway :)

  18. That sweater is lovely, it really suits you!
    I hope you feel better soon~ I find the best way is to distract myself by doing lots of things so I don't have time to dwell. <3 xo

  19. love the watercolor sweater! <3 and i hate the feeling of being in love. so many emotional ups and downs. on second you hate him, one second you love him. trying to deal with heartbreak as well.

  20. I still curse him to the heavens to this day. I hope you find a support or a pillar in your life to help you cruise through this because it's hard to step forward alone.

    Much support, Anne

  21. you're beautiful

    keep your chin up and try to keep smiling <3


  22. It must be weird getting a response from a complete stranger as I am. Truth is, it's my first time on your blog and the first post I read was this. You know what? Even though I just found out about your blog, I want to share something about breakups and heart aches. It's hard, really. Especially if you're on the 'losing' end. Being left behind definitely is not an event to be celebrated. But the thing is, it is not a myth that as time pass by, wounds heal. It varies from person to person. When I had my first heartbreak (from a relationship of almost a year), it took me more than a year to completely get over it. But I did move on and met someone new. Unfortunately, it also ended after 3.5 years of being together. You would think that I'd have a harder time getting through it since it was a lengthier relationship but after 3 months or so, my heart just stopped hurting. I actually found it amazing.

    A good advice is to find good friends that would genuinely listen to you no matter how redundant your stories and frustrations are. That's what I did. I talked to friends, shared my feelings until one day, while I was talking about my experience, I just realized that it didn't hurt me anymore. I couldn't (or better- didn't want to) cry anymore. So yeah, it takes time but just remember that you can get through this. Also, prayers help.

    So yeah, I'm sorry for this lengthy comment. Oh, and I followed you in Bloglovin. Mind following me back? xp

  23. Heart breaks make you feel real. Its painful but you will get over it and find someone totally worth it becuase you are Fabulous :) <3
    Following you on Bloglovin and will appreciate it if you can follow me back on Blog Lovin as well (GFC not working anymore) <3
    Red Alice

  24. I hope you'll feel better real soon, Marion! I've never had a breakup yet, so I don't have much to say. But sincerely, I hope you feel better!


  25. Hello, fellow Filipina! :) First off, I love your sweater! Second, I am very sorry to hear about your breakup. :S I do honestly hope you will be able to cope well with your situation. Comfort food usually does a lot of help! :)

  26. Time heals everything, don't you worry pretty girl, everything will be alright.
    visit my blog I also share my stories :

  27. makaiyak lagi to!!! hahahahaha bushet -dee

  28. Youre one of my favorite
    bloggers, although I fell out of reading blogs about fashion and makeup for about 1.5 yeas (funny enough because I had a boyfriend who liked way different fashion and no-makeup look..oh the things we do for guys). Anyways, I found your blog again and catching up on the posts I missed and going through exactly all this right now! I know it's been awhile but thanks for the post. Life goes on and I know I'll survive, even though happiness feels impossible right now.

    1. Hello Jenni! Thanks for the sweet words! If only I could send you a box of pizza and a hug now >_< Hope you feel better! I know how hard it is to move on but I know you're strong and you can do it. Send me an email if you have time, talking about it definitely helps. Take care. <3


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